Day 8 - Last Day of this Trip

THE GIFTS FROM THIS HOME

This past week has been a whirlwind. My amazing Fam accomplished so much in just 8 days. I'm so grateful.

But another unexpected gift is even more important to me than any amount of accomplishments or achievements is this:

This home is bringing my family closer together.

Since the initiation of this whole project, I've seen my sister KeeKee more than I've seen her in the past 3 years. This whole thing is her "fault," because she is the one who initiated the house hunt in the first place! My parents have visited me more in the past 30 days than they have in the past 6 years since I moved to Colorado ... and we are all honestly having so much fun.

I named it in the first blog, but I'll share again: I had so much resistance to getting a house. I had all the reasons why it wasn't a good idea, I didn't want to be a mega-consumer, I didn't want to be tied to a mortgage, blah, blah, blah, and I wanted to focus on my main goal of a retreat center. But what this experience is teaching me how to do is this: Receive

I grew up feeling like the black sheep. Not because anybody ever tried to make me feel that way; it's just how I was wired, and how our dynamic played out. I was always trying to make everybody healthier. When I got into yoga and meditation instead of taking anxiety & depression meds back in my 20's, it seemed like this made me even more different than my Fam. I realize now that a big part of my "healing" was also going into rejection. Rejection of my family, of the way they ate, of the way they lived. This rejection felt like it came from a place of my salvation (or at least my healing), and perhaps in a way it did, but eventually it festered and created a bigger wedge between me and how I could relate to the Fam. When I visited infrequently, I felt like I was humoring them rather than truly connecting with them.

This project is giving us something to create together. Creation cannot happen within the energy of rejection.

The house and remodel, all of it, has shown me how much rejection I was holding onto, and with each new idea and collaboration with my Fam, each negotiation where my desires and preferences are being honored, where we compromise and scheme and dream together, has softened my rejection and opened my heart. It feels like a whole new way of being in the family dynamic.

I'm not feeling like the words are coming very well right now, but the bottom line is that this home is healing my relationship with the Fam, and I am so very grateful.

♡